if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
