ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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