i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
