im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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