Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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