I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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