last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
