i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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