I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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