Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
