i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
