Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
