the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
