What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
