just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
