question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
