??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The adults are the big ones right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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