and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
