I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
