definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
