I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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