whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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