I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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