Don't you send me to vm
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
