I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
