Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
