You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
