Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
