Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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