I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize