wat bout pragnant strippers??
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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