Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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