I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
