The maid of honor just puked.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
