You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
