Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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