he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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