i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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