I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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