bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
