If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
