Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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