sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
