I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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