I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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