did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
