Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
