Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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