Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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