Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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