yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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