The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Sober January is a disaster.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
