he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i out mim tonsoeep
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
