i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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