she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize