But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
