Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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