yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
