i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
