your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
