You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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