Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
