i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
