Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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