No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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