i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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