dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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