Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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