You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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