he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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