The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
