you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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