I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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