Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
