do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
