I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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