Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
