i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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