I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
